truth wears pants.

So I am reading Handbook of Faith, Hope and Love by Saint Augustine. Contained in the third and fourth chapters is an idea, which is by no means new to me, but nonetheless has struck me as if breaking into my psyche for the very first time. Augustine begins to lay out the argument that everything that is is good. All created things created by God are good, for he cannot create less than goodness. Evil is simply a deprivation of that inherent goodness. He goes further to say that God has allowed this deprivation to occur and even created his creation with the ability to become deprived. The evil can not exist except in what is good. If something were to become all evil it would cease to exist because the very thing itself is good. Like a sickness, the evil must have a host...and since all host are created as good from the creator, the sickness is only a deprivation of what is good.Also, good can only be measured next to evil. The heights of love can only be truly realized in stark contrast to the depths of hate. Desire can only be proven in the face of opposition. What would life be without evil? God is not the author of evil, but he allows it and even has created us with the capacity to do evil. The adventure of life is in the contrast. How can I drink deep the beauty of a spring day in the sun without the days of storm clouds. Like a filmmaker who breaks tension with comic relief, God has again shown his infinite wisdom and grace by providing for us a struggle that makes life worth it. Just a little something that I didn't learn, but was again made aware of.

So I caught up with two friends earlier today...one by phone and one while sitting at a cafe table on the sidewalk. I was extremely invigorated by the encounters. I was having a horrible day and had slipped into a cynical view of the world until I talked with them. It was nice to converse with like minded people. I don't get that too often. I am often found on an opposing viewpoints or at least running in place so to speak in my everyday conversations. It makes me yearn for community, something that at this point I only glimpse once and a while.

On a different note. In my conversations today I came to the realization that I am slightly off center of a paradox. I would not call myself a cynic, but I am very opposed to much of the institution of Christianity. At the same time, I am inherently optimistic. This blends itself nicely, I feel, as it allows a balance that enables me to see both sides of the story. The faults of the institutional church are in fact the same as my own, which is that my beliefs are inevitably formed by some degree by the beliefs of my parents. Now it is true that everyone at some point or another experiences a shucking of his or her parental influence and begins to think independently. But the beliefs of my parents ultimately, if only slightly, echo through my own credo. The same is true of the church. We are still reeling from the effects of error made by our forefathers. The church of the fourth century became Roman. Church became culture and in a way it became secular. The Church took on the identity of it's Roman assimilator and began a conquest to subjugate the world under its rule. it took 1200 years for Christians to break away and realize that Christ was about something different than what they had become. 800 years later we are still very Roman in nature. The western world is Roman, and unfortunately so is the church. I can't fault the church for still echoing the Roman subjugatory ways than I can fault myself for believing certain things based on my parents beliefs. I can however still rally against wrong. I am not a cynic, but rather someone who sees the errors being made and am trying to tell it as it is. I hope I am called out on my wrongs because I will not often be able to see them in myself. If we love, we will at least give ourselves a true foundation to stand on. It is not about being right or wrong.

So I decided that I am going to read as many classics as I can. I don't want quotes from old books located in modern books anymore. So I began with a fellow who's quotes have always captivated me (in these modern books). G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy. While laboring through the man's vivid and oftentimes confusing imagery, I am stumbling across amazingly clear arguments for the Christian faith. Chesterton writes as if he is a madman until the last paragraph of a chapter where he lets you know that his crazy way of thought produces the best explanation of spiritual truth. I am going to continue reading some of the Christian powerhouses of intellectual thought and perhaps move on to some secular literary giants. I oftentimes read such books as this and come away amazed at the author's ability to express my heart so clearly as I cannot. I have advocated the need to discover the roots of faith and to build a sound theology from which you cannot be swayed. I am finding that these men who have come before us have. Writers like Blaise Pascal, Thomas a' Kempis, C.S. Lewis and Dietrich Bonhoeffer have not only provided masterful intellectual arguments for the validity of Christianity, but also have proven that the general philosophies and worldviews of modern culture are not superior even from an intellectual standpoint.

All this to say that these men are an inspiration. Even if their theology was misplaced (which I am not saying it was) they proved that it is possible to stand in the face of the immense opposition and stand on the Word of God. This all is not what I started out to say but...so be it.

This morning, I ran upstairs to take care of some business right after I placed some toast in the toaster. As I did so, in the quiet of my head I said to myself, "I hope the pop doesn't toast while I'm up here." I continued to think to myself that I don't recall a time when I have inverted words in my head. I have misspoken words as such, but never in my own head...Maybe I'm going crazy.

So I am on this kick constantly, which makes me think that it is not a passing fad in my heart, but rather a God given uneasiness with the state of the church. I have been extremely aware, and if you know me...vocal, about the church's lack of love. I might have let my ranting subside for a while had a no seen the latest Nooma video yesterday. The video dealt with the claims of Christianity vs. the claims of other religions of the 1st century. It spent some time dealing with the difference between the Roman Empire and the Kingdom of heaven here on earth. There are a few things that I was forced to conclude. I had a whole list that included history and such, but I deleted it and started again...

1. We were taught by Christ to be servants
2. Christianity held this teaching until its assimilation into the Roman Empire.
3. Christianity today more often the not attempts to subjugate everyone instead of serve and love them.
4. This is wrong

Too many times we are so worried about the world not acting like us that we forget that it is not their prerogative to do so. Further, our actions to the unsaved only hurt that cause. Our condemnation and "holier than thou art" leave a bad taste in my mouth let alone the unsaved at which it is directed. My wife yesterday was laughed at out loud and quite rudely by some folks who disapproved at her attire. Needless to say she was hurt and angered by their attitude towards her. The same is true when we snub our nose at the immorality around us. A. It is not our place to judge. B. We are called to show them Christ's love. C. There should not need to be any more reasons than A and B. "While we were still sinners Christ died for us". It's tame we stop trying to subjugate the non-Christians into Christianity but love them into the arms of Christ. I would go on but alas I am late for a class.

But fear not my dear brethren, for my heart has yet to be quenched of its desire. I shall return forthwith with terror and might to yet again herald my cause.

So I have been realizing a new and exciting trend in my life due to my studies. Contrary to what I have been warned, I am finding that studying the Bible on an intellectual level has strengthened my faith. I am changing. My core beliefs are the same, but I am finding more and more flaws in my expression of those beliefs. I am being constantly challenged by Scripture to be a follower of Christ and not necessarily a Christian. I spend lots of my time bucking the system, I always have. I am learning that this is perhaps something placed in me purposely. I don't want to get too detailed about my arguments against the church, but they are there and are merited by scripture. Somewhere in the screwed up history of the church, there has been truth lost. I have decided that truth is my priority. I don't want to be the person who knows what to say, or how to act. There is something to be be said about couth, but I believe that too much over the years had led to a version of Christianity that is no better than the Jewish order that Jesus spent so much energy speaking out against.

That all being said, I must proclaim the joy that learning is bringing me. It is truly great to know something well and be able to apply that knowledge. I am having fun and am growing at the same time.

Oh and can I just say...I have had a great season thus far on the golf course. I have had AMAZING scores. I am not one to brag, but it is like a miracle. I all of a sudden not only have control over most of my shots, but I am learning how to hit multiple types with each club. I also was able to hit the green in 2 on a par 5 for the first time ever, that was a thrill. Good things.

I am writing some songs again and for the first time in my life I am truly happy with them.

Hmmm. thats all. Sorry for the sporadicness of this post. That is not a word but I don't care...you all get the point.